Looking Arab.
So the other day, I’m leaving the gym wearing a kuffiyah, and this white guy that works there stops me, and in a confrontational tone says “Yo, nice scarf. Do you even know what it means?”
Of course, I smirk and say “Yeah, I’m Palestinian. Do you know what it means?” (mentally adding, asshole)
Obviously he stumbles over his words after that and apologizes profusely, adding as per usual, “You just don’t look Palestinian at all”. Funny funny, it’s fine, I’m really used to this, and he obviously had the good intention of calling out a white hipster chick for misappropriating a political symbol (and he subsequently tried to get a date)(and failed). But man I do get tired of being told on a daily basis that I don’t look Palestinian, or Arab. The only place I was assumed to be Palestinian was in Palestine, even with my imperfect Arabic and “Western” clothing. (I remember the taxi driver saying “You’re Palestinian aren’t you? Of course. It’s your nose and your smile. Your family is obviously from Jerusalem.”)
On the one hand there are definitely a few people who straight up just think all Arabs look a certain way - darker skinned, wearing a hijab, conservative conduct etc. But that’s not the case with everyone. I remember something my brother said a few years ago, upon discussing why the Arab kids in Halifax didn’t seem to like me — he said it was because I just seemed too white. It wasn’t my pale skin though, nor my religious beliefs, because that isn’t publicly displayed. Apparently it was my clothing, the way I held myself, the music I listened to, or something. So apparently, even to many Arabs, “being Arab” was to be performed properly, or you clearly weren’t authentic enough — basically a sell out. The fact that I was one of the only Palestinians actually doing solidarity/activist work in Halifax meant nothing for that image. The fact that I looked white and acted white granted me a privilege that was looked upon with disdain.
It’s a different story here in Toronto obviously - Halifax is far more sheltered and white, while TO is incredibly diverse, and people here are used to everyone being from somewhere else. Also, the Arab community isn’t as sheltered, so I don’t get the same flack at all. But that doesn’t change the fact that I still get to ‘accidentally’ witness racist conversations from non-Arabs, because people naturally assume I’m white, or at least, non-Arab. And my white friends? “Well, you’re pretty much white anyway”, and practically see my association with being Arab or Palestinian or Muslim as a nostalgic choice rather than a reality. How is this supposed to make me feel? Yes, I’m pretty damn Westernized, but most aspects of my life regularly come face to face with my background, my culture, my family’s traditions; furthermore, my formative years were spent in the Middle East. I ‘get’ Canadian culture, but that took a lot of effort, and more often than not, I just let things I don’t ‘get’ slide. Ultimately I fit in here more than I do in Saudi Arabia, but has more to do with Saudi Arabia’s own environment. So much of what I do bumps into my being Palestinian whether I like it or not, trust me. With regard to my white friends, it sometimes feels like I’m the safe token ethnic friend who “passes” as white, and as such, reaps the privileges that come with that - which I don’t even know how to deal with. I’m the safe token Arab until I call you out on your racist shit, or when, quite regularly, I just don’t “get” certain cultural things, or insist on a certain etiquette of things. That’s when they get uncomfortable because I’m suddenly not white enough — but only for that moment. Again, this was more so in Halifax than Toronto, but it still stands true.
I don’t know what it means when either Arabs or non-Arabs insist I’m ‘culturally white’, or what I’m supposed to do with that designation. Maybe after all, I’m just doing it wrong, maybe I am a sell out. Mostly though, I just say hell with it. After all, I am a funny cocktail of cultures, so it’s kind of understandable that people who can take for granted where they come from wouldn’t immediately comprehend that. But why I think about it so much is because, unlike other cases of racism and stereotypes, the fact that I pass as white hasn’t been the cause of oppression or real prejudice or hindrance — the opposite, perhaps. It’s hard to tell how much privilege I experience because I look white. It’s a bizarre reversal of a racist formula, and it’s messed up shit. I know this is a pretty self-indulgent post, but anyway. Feel free to add/take away/share your own experiences.
